I DON’T WANT TO DO IT!

Monday 18th July  2016
14.45

By LT

LT’s Head: “Don’t train today.
It’s too hot.
You’re tired.
That rest day you had yesterday was so lovely – do it again.
You’re due on your period and feel grouchy.
Have another rest day.
You’re tired.
It’s hot.
Go to sleep.
You feel shit.
You are shit.
Everything is such struggle.
Cry
Cry and go to bed.”

LT: “Crying won’t make me feel any better.”

LT’s Head: “You’re such know it all.
Just go to bed, have a cry and fall asleep.
Forget about it all.”

LT: “The last time I did that, it didn’t make me feel any better.”

LT’s Head: “You’ll only be crap at lifting if you go.
Just take a rest.
Just one day.
It won’t hurt.”

LT: (puts trainers on and walks out door)

 

There was so much more to that conversation than I have written here. So much more.  The tears were so close to my eyeballs as I brushed my teeth pre-gym.
I’m still so tired from last week.  5 jobs to keep my head above water and continue paying for my rowing challenge. Plus training twice a day (minimum) and who knew eating could become a task in itself? I am so thankful I like eating peanut butter from the tub. Gram versus pounds sterling, it’s by far the cheapest and most calorific food going – thank you Meridian Foods – you actually save my day some days.

Perhaps I’m having a come down from an awesome weekend with awesome friends? (just to let you know, this is not drug related, just the affects of being a excitable person with manic depressive tendencies).

I’m definitely hormonal, my boobs hurt.

I miss my training partner, team mate and best friend, he’s away working in Scotland for a fortnight.

 

Whatever it is (was), it was all excuses.

Shoes on and out the door into the raging heat of the day, I drove to CrossFit Panic for my 5 x 5 Workout.

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I am always amazed with how exercise enhances my mood.  I felt pretty horrible before leaving for the gym.  Now I am back, it’s like it’s a new day.  My head fresh, clear thinking and mood elevated.
Yes, I am still tired from last week and this has bought to my attention that I need to plan some active recovery weeks far more frequently than the ones I have booked in every 6 weeks.  I maybe need to also look at my nutrition plan and be a bit more on the ball instead of winging it all the time.

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So, because I was still recovering from last weeks training, I stayed at the same weight, took it easy, included more rest between sets and surprised myself with some good strong reps. With each rep, the horrible feelings in my head went away.

I’m not entirely sure why I am writing this.  I suppose it’s like a diary.  A way for me to vent my feelings and perhaps reflect back when I am feeling rubbish in the future and know that just chipping away, staying calm and being consistent and responsible is the best way to feel better.

 

 

And that featured image above? That’s me at Fortitude Fitness this past weekend, instructing for the Bear Grylls Survival Race Training Day.  I was so tried that straight after, I crouched on the floor and fell asleep in that position in amongst all the excitement.  So rock ‘n’ roll.