Fluoxetine and Me

“Fluoxetine is a synthetic compound which inhibits the uptake of serotonin in the brain and is taken to treat depression” – you can’t beat wikipedia for a swift and accurate definition.

It may shock some of you that know me well, what I am about to write about;

I suffer with depression and have just started taking antidepressants.

I didn’t start this blog with the view to disclose personal information about myself, except share positive and informative thoughts, however as I grow and develop so does my blog and I am finding this is great way for me to talk about my depression.

2 weeks ago was possibly the lowest point I have ever experienced in my life. Being open and honest, I wanted to kill myself. I could not see the point of carrying on trudging through life, battling everyday trying to remain positive.

At this stage, I do not want to share why I was feeling so low, maybe I don’t even know myself, but what I know didn’t help was that I took a ‘rest week’ from exercise.

I have been training twice a day for the last 6 weeks in preparation for my Atlantic Row. I am rowing every morning and weight training and metabolic conditioning in the evening, I reached the point of physical and mental exhaustion, where my body started giving up and me feeling unmotivated. My training partner (boyfriend and rowing team mate) and I decided to have a week off. From then, it all went down hill, very quickly.

At the end of 8 days with no exercise, I was sitting in the doctors surgery, completely unable to talk. I had been crying for days. She prescribed me anti-depressants. This in itself was enough for me to feel even worse. Why would someone as cheerful, healthy, active and successful as me be depressed? So much so that I need a chemical to make me right?

With much(!) resistance, I started taking the medicine – Fluoxetine. This was only because I had promised my best friend and boyfriend I would do so. The first tablet I took, I sobbed. It felt disgusting to be ingesting this bright yellow and green pill full of man-made chemicals; something so strong it would alter my hormones. I don’t even take paracetamol or ibrupfrofen – this was a big deal! And even though I knew it would make me better, I still didn’t want a tablet to do it.

Reading through the medication information sheet was petrifying, the list of side effects was endless and there was no doubt my highly receptive and sensitive system would react very quickly.

The truth is, I think I have been depressed for about 2 years – maybe more, I can’t even remember. I have tried and experimented with various self-development books, hypnotherapy, holistic therapies, coucilling, Samaritans phone line, psychologist and lots more. And it has cost me several thousands of pounds. Most would work for a brief time, then it would come back.

I heavily reply on exercise as my natural antidepressant, however, sometimes I would exercise so much, I would become so exhausted, I’d have no energy for anything else in the day.

As a result of taking Fluoxetine, my mood and disposition is unrecognisable!!! I am truly amazed. The doctor was correct – I am definitely experiencing a strange feeling in my chest, a similar feeling to anxiety, it’s like butterflies but not in my stomach, it’s in my chest near my heart. This sounds scarier than what it actually is.

I am now wanting to get out of bed, shower, eat and get jobs done like writing this post – and sorry to sound somber – I am less frequently thinking about stabbing or drowning myself, dramatic I know, but there’s no point in beating around the bush.

So, as much as I like to remain natural with what I ingest and believe I can do anything, 2 weeks of Fluoxetine I think has saved my life.

I thought I would become monotone, I thought the medicine would dampen my crazy side but I am pleased it hasn’t. In fact, my crazy side had died without the medicine.

The downside of the medicine, I am not allowed to drink alcohol. Despite not drinking a lot anyway (because it would make my depression worse) I am now the sober friend watching everyone else get drunk, which is funny but sometimes can get boring.

And…. another apology….. a bit of a personal note….. it’s difficult to have an orgasm on antidepressants. Yep, I said it. I can’t work out whether to delete this sentience or not…..

I do not plan being on the medicine for long, despite the doctor saying it is not addictive, I do not think it would be a great idea to continue taking it for years. I am determined to figure out a solution to my mild manic-depressive nature without the use of medicine.

But in the meantime….. Fluoxetine and I will remain friends.

Thank you for reading my honest post.

Happy Me Again x

 

After Note:

1 month on, I stopped taking the medicine, much to many people’s disapproval.  It was a bold move so soon after starting it, but I didn’t enjoy the feeling in my chest, especially when I exercised.

I am pleased I took the medicine as it got me out of a rather sticky sitatuation, and 2 months on, I am feeling the best I have felt for years.  I do not think the medicine created my current mood directly, except put me on the right path and made me realise I never want to get in that state again.

Some say the medicine couldn’t have affected me that quick. My response is, either way, if it did or it didn’t, it’s likely to have enough of an affect to get me out of bed and stop moping.  Also, the feeling in my chest was definitely not imaginary.  If it can do that within a few days, it can certainly affect my feelings.