I’ve got 1,200 friends on Facebook.
I’ve got a combined total of 6,000 people following me on social media.
And yet I feel lonely.
I’m a 35-year-old single woman. (I sometimes wonder to myself why I’m still single at 35. I feed myself bullshit that I just haven’t found the ‘right’ man yet).
I’m an only child.
I’m self-employed and work alone a lot of the time.
I live by myself.
Friends and family live in distant places.
And I am frightfully independent. The latter is more through circumstances rather than choice.
People, I am told, are fond of me because I am cheerful, fun and enthusiastic, but sometimes I am knocked down by this horrible disease – the lonely disease.
This past week I’ve been physically ill which is rare for me. I’ve had that chesty cold thing. I imagine this is what man flu feels like. I haven’t been ill like this for 3 or 4 years. Apart from feeling horrid, it makes me realise there is no one around to take care of me. Would someone order the violin music, please?
Each morning I’ve dragged my coughing body out of bed, motivating myself to get on with my daily jobs. There are times where I just wish someone was around to put their arm around me, give me a rub on the head and maybe even make me some food. Hey, even a cup of tea in bed would be quite nice.
This disease paralyses me.
On bad days I stay in bed until the afternoon, minimising the amount of time I have to keep myself motivated throughout the day doing the stuff that takes my mind off being lonely.
I know it will pass. It always does.
The thing that saddens me the most is I know there are others feeling the same as I am. In a world with so many people, with so much choice, opportunity, activities, methods of communication and social media (ha! It’s ironic they call it ‘social’), I dread to think… thousands, even millions may feel like I am today.
Reading articles of “you are not alone” and prescriptive advice doesn’t tend to help. In fact, it does fuck all. If anything, it just adds more salt to the already excruciating wound. Digital messages from friends is ‘nice’ but it’s worlds apart from actual human company.
I sometimes find myself wishing there were local groups that could identify this dreadful feeling and provide a little support to those that need it.
In the olden days, people and families tended to stick together more. In tribal villages (I imagine), groups of humans stick together in communities. Our modern-day brick houses, TVs, phones, jobs, material items provide the human race with so much security and freedom yet reduce the one thing that is so valuable in our lives: human connection.
I wish there was a cure ❤
Rent-A-Family would be weird right?
That was one of the easiest and fastest posts I have ever written, yet one of the toughest to publish.
I have spent all day wondering whether to publish it or not.
Would people think it’s a cry for help? It’s not! I’m fine but it would be nice to have dinner cooked for me occasionally.
Would people think “what kind of blogger is she exactly? Adventures? Fitness? Social Media? Mental Health?” The truth be told, I don’t know myself.
What if the guy I fancy reads this and thinks I’m a needy nutcase? Erm….
It turns out if you are reading this, I published it.
Thank you for reading.
I need to say this: If you know me, have my telephone number or connect with me on social media, please don’t message me as a result of the blog. I’m fine.